This is how I picture him in my head.
Has to be a man; boys aren’t welcome. Must be in a relationship; I want someone who has a good understanding of how relationships work.
This is how I’ll help him and myself.
I want to see him reduced to agony and I feel myself drowning by the beautiful wish to cause him pain, to see it, to watch it, to watch it beyond my own endurance and his.
Then I just want to reduce him to the helplessness of pleasure.
This is one of the roles in a relationship that the Other Woman understands but won’t acknowledge. Or worse, won’t act upon her knowledge.